The River Bank
I was hanging out with some of my buddies down by the Don River, talking stuff over, you know? Anyways, these guys were getting really down about life and I was wondering why old people are so negative. While I’m thinking this I was looking at the banks of the Don where the water had eroded the earth away. Some rocks and stuff were sticking way out cause the current couldn’t move them, and there was big holes where the sand and soft stuff had been washed away.So I was thinking, maybe people is just like the banks of a river, the hard things in us stay, and the soft things like hope and dreams gets eroded and washed away. I find nature repeats itself over and ove rin a million different ways. So our spirit is no different than a river bank. Anyways, that’s what I thinks.
Hunted by Luck
You know, sometimes it feels like the world is out to get me and that predators are every where. But I was just thinking, why couldn’t we be hunted by hope and good luck too? I got to be honest if I add up all the good things in my life, and all the bad things, the good things win out, they win way out.
I sure remember bad things more than the good things but isn’t that just some kind of survival thing hard-wired into us? We remember the bad to survive and the good we forget, but that skews our perception of the world. I remember being bullied at school and that left an indelible mark on me. I worried about it endlessly as a kid. When I think back now, the actual experience of being bullied was maybe ten minutes, but I worried about it for ten months! See, the actual experience hardly weighs up to anyhting.
As a bum I been alive for fifty-one years! That’s a hell of a long time to have lived if things are so bad, yes? And let me asks you this, some one gives you a present, say a camera, it just comes out of nowhere, that’s pretty nice isn’t it? Then someone steals that camera, suddenly it’s gone. Which one do we dwell on, the present or the theft? I’ll tell you, we dwell on the theft and think what a rotten world it is and we spends the next few months being really paranoid and careful about all our possesions. Why don’t we dwell on the gift? Why don’t we spend months thinking what a great world it is?
So my point is, is maybe we’re just blind to the fact that it ain’t bad luck stalking us, maybe good luck is too! Maybe really good things do fall into our laps and the truth is we don’t have to work hard for everything, and the world is actually a pretty great place. Fine, I’m a bum, what do I know, it’s just a thought.
The Doctor’s
I went to the doctor's office today. I told him I was feeling depressed. I
mean not having a home, or even a door you can shut at night to lock out the
world, that's pretty sad. I am also tired of all the crappy food the
shelters serve. I wasn't always a bum you know, I used to eat well and loved a good
cheese, and some nice olives, and maybe a glass of good red wine. But I
can't afford those anymore.
So any way, I was feeling down and told the doctor that and he said, "Well, I'll
put you on an anti-depressant and see if that helps." I said, "What?"
He says, "We'll try out something to make you feel better." And I says, "I
don't want any drugs! I mean I'm depressed but who wouldn't be depressed
living my life? There's nothing wrong with being depressed when you've a got
a good reason."
The doctor gives me a patronizing look and says, "Well, most people just
want to feel better."
I looks at him and says, "What good will that do them? If they're feeling
happy, when they should be f**king depressed, then how are they going to
ever get any better? Depression is my edge. It spurs me on. And you want to
give me drugs?"
The doctor looks at his watch and then said he had to go. I says, "Great lot
of help you've been!"
I mean, isn't that against the Hippocratic oath or something, “not to do your
patients harm”. How is drugging them senseless from their problems going to
help? It's like someone is bleeding to death and the doctor says, here's a
drug so you won't feel the pain while you die!
You know, sometimes I feel too old for this world. Sometimes I feel like the
world is for children. As soon as you get too much understanding of things
you might as well check out cause no one else cares, they just want to be
drugged, or distracted, or jerk off till they die.
One Lousy Buck
I got a donation! One lousy buck after two months! And after PayPal’s slice of the pie and the exchange rate it ended up being about eighty cents. The person told me they got confused cause it listed his own address on the form, don’t worry, PayPal just thinks you’re buying something so they’re listing the address to send it to. But I ain’t sending you nothing, especially for a lousy buck.
C’mon people, I’m an old bum. Buy me a lousy cup of coffee (I like VAnilla latte) it costs at least $3.50.
No Money
It's been almost 24 hours and no money has come in! What are you a bunch of bums? At this rate I'm going to have to go back to begging on the street.
I was sitting by the lake yesterday and thinking about how fast time goes by. It just slips through our fingers and there's nothing we can do. I often think the only thing time exists for is money. Got to pay the rent, got to buy the food, get a coffee. I mean if your food and shelter were taken care of, would we even care about the time?
Well, I'll check this place out tomorrow and boy there better be some money waiting for me. Is the internet just another place for false dreams?
Have a good one.
I’m Launched!
They got my web page up today. I'm at the library looking at it right now! I hope lots of money starts rolling in! Okay, i gotta go and get a coffee. Hi!